1. Fit
2. Match
3. Belong to the bed you're changing.
This means that when the kids and I change our beds the sheets:
1. Don't fit
2. Don't match
3. Belong to someone else.
Today, I worked up the nerve to finally tackle this Nemesis of a closet. My initial reaction when I pulled everything out onto the floor was to go for a long walk but, alas, I resisted the impulse to run and continued on my quest for a linen closet I'm not quivering in fear to open. I had one quick observation and discovered two mysteries in this endeavor.
The first thing I noticed is that I have a lot of sheets. Sheets dating back to 1987, for heavens sake. These included a frilly, pink & white stripped Laura Ashley set that I bought for Lily when she was in preschool and a dark, green & blue plaid flannel set I bought for Safety Man before we were married. I realize now that I must have a hard time letting go of old sheets. Which begs this question. What do you do with old sheets? You don't give them to second hand stores, do you? Throwing them away seems wasteful. I don't know what to do with them - hence my closet problem, I guess.
After noticing my proclivity to hold onto old sheets, I observed my first curiosity. I have a lot of top sheets and not so many bottom sheets. ??? How do you lose a bottom sheet? I understand missing socks. They're easy to lose - behind the couch, under the couch, in the couch. They can be tucked in an old pair of shoes, under a seat in the car or in a grimy old gym bag. Let's face it. I haven't worn a pair of socks that match since 1999. But I digress. A missing sheet is much more baffling. How the hell do you lose a bottom sheet? Unfortunately, this mystery is yet to be solved.
I did, however, figure out the last mystery. The missing pillow cases - case.( hee hee) I piled together many sets of sheets but couldn't find their pillow cases. Jeez. Losing bottom sheets & pillow cases? Too weird. So, I put on my mom detective hat and started to ask some questions. Being keen to my environment I knew where to start my inquiry. I asked Joe if he knew where some of these pillow cases might be. Not surprisingly he was dismissive of my question answering a quick and terse, "No." I, however, persevered. "Joe, I remember you had several pillows on your bed a while ago. I don't see them anymore. Are you certain you don't know where a pillow case might be hiding? It was like a little light lit up behind his devious 14 year old eyes. He then crawled into the storage area behind his closet and pulled out this: A plethora of pillows.
The first thing I noticed is that I have a lot of sheets. Sheets dating back to 1987, for heavens sake. These included a frilly, pink & white stripped Laura Ashley set that I bought for Lily when she was in preschool and a dark, green & blue plaid flannel set I bought for Safety Man before we were married. I realize now that I must have a hard time letting go of old sheets. Which begs this question. What do you do with old sheets? You don't give them to second hand stores, do you? Throwing them away seems wasteful. I don't know what to do with them - hence my closet problem, I guess.
After noticing my proclivity to hold onto old sheets, I observed my first curiosity. I have a lot of top sheets and not so many bottom sheets. ??? How do you lose a bottom sheet? I understand missing socks. They're easy to lose - behind the couch, under the couch, in the couch. They can be tucked in an old pair of shoes, under a seat in the car or in a grimy old gym bag. Let's face it. I haven't worn a pair of socks that match since 1999. But I digress. A missing sheet is much more baffling. How the hell do you lose a bottom sheet? Unfortunately, this mystery is yet to be solved.
I did, however, figure out the last mystery. The missing pillow cases - case.( hee hee) I piled together many sets of sheets but couldn't find their pillow cases. Jeez. Losing bottom sheets & pillow cases? Too weird. So, I put on my mom detective hat and started to ask some questions. Being keen to my environment I knew where to start my inquiry. I asked Joe if he knew where some of these pillow cases might be. Not surprisingly he was dismissive of my question answering a quick and terse, "No." I, however, persevered. "Joe, I remember you had several pillows on your bed a while ago. I don't see them anymore. Are you certain you don't know where a pillow case might be hiding? It was like a little light lit up behind his devious 14 year old eyes. He then crawled into the storage area behind his closet and pulled out this: A plethora of pillows.
Apparently, he was hoarding pillows. (From his sister, I suspect.)
My journey into the great linen closet abyss was moderately successful. I came to terms with my messy closet (my old sheets are stacked neatly together waiting for the final resolution - where do they go?) It's all very neat and in my quest, I found enough pillows to rest every weary head that is reading this blog. Sadly, I never expect to find the various missing bottom sheets. This is bound to be one of my life's baffling mysteries but for now, I am content.
My journey into the great linen closet abyss was moderately successful. I came to terms with my messy closet (my old sheets are stacked neatly together waiting for the final resolution - where do they go?) It's all very neat and in my quest, I found enough pillows to rest every weary head that is reading this blog. Sadly, I never expect to find the various missing bottom sheets. This is bound to be one of my life's baffling mysteries but for now, I am content.
People with exceptionally sharp toenails tear bottom sheets, which then require them to be thrown out. Top sheets are left defenseless and alone.
ReplyDeleteI recently had a pillow crisis at my house as well. Fifteen friends of my children descended on us at once. Plus my two, plus the house-guests that were already joining us for the weekend. Pillow and sheet shortage!
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