P90X and my friend, Melissa

If you're not familiar with P90X, feel free to Google it. I'm not adding the link here because I curse it.

My "dear" friend Melissa (of Delicious Dishes fame), who is very fit in spite of her time in the kitchen, volunteered to send me her P90X program after I innocently asked her about it. She mentioned that it was a little hard but suggested I try the arduous program and blog about my experience. Okay, Melissa, here I go:
First, I read the multiple booklets of instructions about how this muscle confusing fitness plan is supposed to get you in the best shape of your life. This took a weekend. The initial steps are simple enough. Weigh yourself, it says. Painfully, I complied. Measure yourself (This includes the thighs, ladies.). Humiliatingly, I checked this requirement off the list. Measure your body fat, it says. This is very depressing, but check. TAKE PICTURES OF YOURSELF in shorts and sports bra in various poses, it says. Sorry. I don't think so. Enough of this foolishness, I'm ready to begin. I'm ready to be a lean, mean, fit, 49 year old, buffed machine. (See picture above.)

After I faithfully follow most of the prerequisites and mentally prepare myself to be a committed student of this serious fitness regime, I put on the first of 12 Cd's. Confidently, I complete the 5 minute warm up. OK. All is good. I'm very pleased with myself. Then the real exercise regiment begins. I notice that my arms are a little tired from the jumping jacks but I'm not deterred. We start with push ups....."Let's do 20 - 30 push ups", the fitness guru says .... I get on my hands and knees and manage to struggle through 3 push ups from the kneeling position (AKA girl push ups) and quickly flop to the floor. I rest my cheek on the rug to see the fitness fanatics cheerfully count 21, 22, 23.... I peel myself off the rug and plop my big fat tush on the couch. For the next 30 minutes I torture myself by watching the health freaks "work their arms and backs" - "Let's do 25 pull ups with our fingers facing forward. (Rest. 1 min.) Now let's do 30 push ups with our ankles crossed - very good. (Rest 1 min.) Okay, now let's do 30 more pull ups but this time with our fingers facing towards us...." Amazed and defeated, I turn off the TV before these "people" begin doing push ups on their pinkies.
So, here you have it, Melissa. The blog post on my P90X experience. Short, sweet and very humbling. Watch for a package in the mail, my friend. P90X is on it's way back to you. Oh yeah, thanks for sharing.